Tag: behavior problems

Basic Love and Logic® for Very Young Children

How early in a child’s life can we start using Love and Logic?

As soon as they can spit their pureed food, crawl away from you when you are changing their diaper, etc. Fortunately, the basic process is very simple:

Step One: Hope For Misbehavior

Mistakes made early in life have far more affordable consequences than those made later.

Step Two: Sing an Empathetic “Uh Oh”

The fewer words we use when our kids are acting up, the more successful we will be.

Step Three: Provide a Loving Consequence

There exist only three basic consequences for small children:

•   Change your location by walking away and paying no attention to them
•   Change the location of the problem object by taking it away
•   Change the child’s location by carrying them to their room, buckling them into their stroller, etc

Step four: Repeat as Needed

When parents repeat this basic process with great consistency, they find that they only get to the second step most of the time. Quite quickly, their tots learn that “Uh Oh” means that it’s wise to start acting sweet!

Thanks for reading. If you like this, get your friends on board!


Dr. Charles Fay
©2009 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

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Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

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Protecting Your Daughter on the Internet

After several discussions about the dangers of giving out any personal information on the Internet, Mom designed her own secret email address pretending to be an older boy.

To her amazement she was able to contact her own daughter, who not only gave out her personal information, but sent a picture. All of this was in violation of the house rules for use of the Internet.

Mom told her daughter what happened. She didn’t apologize for checking on the daughter, and restricted use of the computer to times when she could supervise.

Dad told Mom that she was wrong, saying that Mom had broken trust and was establishing an unhealthy mother–daughter relationship.

Mom argued, “I want her to trust that when we set rules, that we will be checking to see that they are followed. It’s not unhealthy for a child to know that parents are strong enough and care enough to follow through.”

Dad was dead wrong. Avoidance doesn’t breed trust.

Mom was dead right.

Parents shouldn’t be afraid to establish themselves as the leaders of the home and as helping kids stay out of harm’s way.

Thanks for reading. If you like this, get your friends on board!


Jim Fay
©2009 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

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Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

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As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

How Nana Nixed the Naughty Word

Little kids can be clever. It’s fun to make them put their brains to work.

One mom told me her son had gotten into the habit of using an unacceptable phrase. All her lecturing and punishing didn`t work.

Then he made the mistake of using it while Nana was babysitting. Now Nana, being your typical grandma, was always telling him how smart and wonderful he was. Because of this he tended to be extra good for her. That is, until the time he said it, “Oh, %*@#.”

Nana didn`t lecture or punish, she simply said, “Oh my, I don`t play with boys who use that kind of language. What do you think you could say instead?”

After much thought he came up with some clever alternatives: “Oh crud.” “Oh shoot.” “Oh man.” And Nana`s favorite, “Oh criminy.” Not a real word, but they liked it. They laughed as he said it over and over.

He had to put his thinking cap on to come up with it, and that`s what Nana wanted. She wanted him to think before he said things that would get him in trouble.


Jim Fay
©2009 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

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Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

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Some Thoughts on Parenting With Words

Those familiar with Love and Logic know that we’re big on kids learning life’s critical lessons by making lots of affordable mistakes and experiencing the affordable consequences of such mistakes. We’re not so big on trying to teach important lessons through lectures…or lots of words.

The more words we use when our kids are upset or misbehaving, the less effective we become.

With this said, there are still times when it’s very important for parents to have discussions with their kids about important matters. Listed below are three little tips:

    •  Have discussions only when you and your kids are calm.
    •  Anger and frustration short-circuit learning…and relationships!
    •  Avoid telling them things they already know.

A teenage client of mine complained, “My parents are always saying, ‘If you don’t do your home work, you’re going to get bad grades.’ How stupid do they think I am?”

When we tell kids what they already know, we send the message that we don’t think they are very bright.

Have plenty of short conversations rather than long ones.

Kids think the hardest about what we say when we keep our discussions short and sweet.

Thanks for reading!


Dr. Charles Fay
©2009 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

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Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

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Training For Shopping

When Dan was little and went shopping with his mom, the words he heard most were “Don’t touch!”

When he became a dad and went shopping with his kids, the words he said most were”Don’t touch!” It was frustrating to shop with his kids. They wanted to touch everything. That’s what they see the big people doing. Thinking there had to be a better way, he decided to conduct some training.

“Guys, here’s how I know what I can touch in the store. I know that packaged things probably won’t break. I can touch them. Things that are not packaged get broken easily. So I look at the price tag and see if I have enough money to pay for it if it gets broken. From now on you can do the same thing. Feel free to touch anything if you have enough money saved up to pay for it.”

Now the words he hears most in the store are, “Dad, can I afford to pay for this?” A little time in training goes a long way toward happier parenting.

Jim Fay
©2009 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

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Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

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