Category: Teens

“Did You Do Drugs?”

“Hey, Mom. Did you and Dad do drugs when you were young?”

Look out, parents! This is not a simple question. This is a kid looking for some leverage and a way to get some tacit approval for drug use. This is a kid looking for the opportunity to say, “Well you did it too.”

If you didn’t use drugs it is a great chance to explain why you didn’t. If you did, you might want to consider this reply. “Yes, I was very foolish and tried some drugs. But I was lucky to have people who showed me what they were doing to me. I saw my friends having horrible problems. Their grades went down. Their family lives were in shambles, and two of them died of overdoses. Then one day I realized that I wanted a family some day, and I thought how humiliated I would be to have to honestly talk about how foolish I was. So that’s why I quit and why I hope you never have to be as humiliated as I am when your own kids ask this question.”


Jim Fay
©2009 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

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Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

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Protecting Your Daughter on the Internet

After several discussions about the dangers of giving out any personal information on the Internet, Mom designed her own secret email address pretending to be an older boy.

To her amazement she was able to contact her own daughter, who not only gave out her personal information, but sent a picture. All of this was in violation of the house rules for use of the Internet.

Mom told her daughter what happened. She didn’t apologize for checking on the daughter, and restricted use of the computer to times when she could supervise.

Dad told Mom that she was wrong, saying that Mom had broken trust and was establishing an unhealthy mother–daughter relationship.

Mom argued, “I want her to trust that when we set rules, that we will be checking to see that they are followed. It’s not unhealthy for a child to know that parents are strong enough and care enough to follow through.”

Dad was dead wrong. Avoidance doesn’t breed trust.

Mom was dead right.

Parents shouldn’t be afraid to establish themselves as the leaders of the home and as helping kids stay out of harm’s way.

Thanks for reading. If you like this, get your friends on board!


Jim Fay
©2009 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

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Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

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As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

Some Thoughts on Parenting With Words

Those familiar with Love and Logic know that we’re big on kids learning life’s critical lessons by making lots of affordable mistakes and experiencing the affordable consequences of such mistakes. We’re not so big on trying to teach important lessons through lectures…or lots of words.

The more words we use when our kids are upset or misbehaving, the less effective we become.

With this said, there are still times when it’s very important for parents to have discussions with their kids about important matters. Listed below are three little tips:

    •  Have discussions only when you and your kids are calm.
    •  Anger and frustration short-circuit learning…and relationships!
    •  Avoid telling them things they already know.

A teenage client of mine complained, “My parents are always saying, ‘If you don’t do your home work, you’re going to get bad grades.’ How stupid do they think I am?”

When we tell kids what they already know, we send the message that we don’t think they are very bright.

Have plenty of short conversations rather than long ones.

Kids think the hardest about what we say when we keep our discussions short and sweet.

Thanks for reading!


Dr. Charles Fay
©2009 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

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Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

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