Category: Teens

Does That Mean “NO”?

DoesThatMeanNO
Here is a story of a mom in my class who learned a new skill to not engage in a battle with kids when they’re protesting a limit.

That skill is called going “brain dead.”

This works with kids of all ages. See what happens when she uses it to neutralize the “buy it for me” battle.

My 9 year old daughter and I were at Walmart In the middle of the afternoon rush when she asked for a bouncy ball (regression anyone?) I said “no.” She protested, fussed and whined. I got to whip out my “brain dead” phrase for the first time, “Love you too much to argue.”

She looked at me with an expression of shock and confusion. He then asked me incredulously, “Does that mean no?”

The element of surprise using a new phrase was great! She accepted the “No” without further protest and we moved on. I had to laugh to myself when in the car driving home she said, “Mom, don’t say that again.







Shelly Moorman
©2013 Head & Heart Parents

+++++
Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

+++++

Just Say NO

We don’t have to convince our kids that we have valid reasons for saying NO. It’s ok to “Just say no.”
Recent text stream between mom and 14 year old son:

Teens DisciplineKid: Can I go to chad’s after school

Mom: No

Kid: Y

Mom: Insufficient grades, make up work to do. Application to complete. Oh, and sick and supposed to be resting! No.

Kid: Ok, I have some of the better grades and u sent me to school because I was good enough. So….

Mom: Discussion is over. Love ya too much to argue.

An adolescent is never going to agree with mom’s reasons for saying “no” to going to his friend’s house.

Never. Any answer she comes up with, he’ll have a come back until they are escalated and hurting their relationship. As a mom, it’s hard to be the “meany” and say no because he’s going to be distant and annoyed. She hates that feeling. But if mom argues and gets heated, she will probably say things she’ll regret because he is such a pusher and negotiator. Then the teen gets to focus on how annoying and mean she is. Letting him just sit with the discomfort of “no” maintains her authority. There is no dignity in fighting with one’s child, is there?

And the truth is, she really does love him too much to argue.


Kerry Stutzman, MSW
©2013 Kerry Stutzman, Head & Heart Parents

+++++
Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

+++++

Talking About Tragedy With Kids

A GUIDE FOR PARENTS, CAREGIVERS, AND TEACHERS 

Children and youth can face emotional strains after a traumatic event such as a car crash or violence.1 Disasters also may leave them with long-lasting harmful effects.2 When children experience a trauma, watch it on TV, or overhear others discussing it, they can feel scared, confused, or anxious. Young people react to trauma differently than adults. Some may react right away; others may show signs that they are having a difficult time much later. As such, adults do not always know when a child needs help coping. This tip sheet will help parents, caregivers, and teachers learn some common reactions, respond in a helpful way, and know when to seek support.

Possible Reactions to a Disaster or Traumatic Event
Many of the reactions noted below are normal when children and youth are handling the stress right after an event. If any of these behaviors lasts for more than 2 to 4 weeks, or if they suddenly appear later on, these children may need more help coping. Information about where to find help is in the Helpful Resources section of this tip sheet.

PRESCHOOL CHILDREN, 0–5 YEARS OLD

Very young children may go back to thumb sucking or wetting the bed at night after a trauma. They may fear strangers, darkness, or monsters. It is fairly common for preschool children to become clingy with a parent, caregiver, or teacher or to want to stay in a place where they feel safe. They may express the trauma repeatedly in their play or tell exaggerated stories about what happened. Some children’s eating and sleeping habits may change. They also may have aches and pains that cannot be explained. Other symptoms to watch for are aggressive or withdrawn behavior, hyperactivity, speech difficulties, and disobedience.

Infants and Toddlers, 0–2 years old, cannot understand that a trauma is happening, but they know when their caregiver is upset. They may start to show the same emotions as their caregivers, or they may act differently, like crying for no reason or withdrawing from people and not playing with their toys.

Children, 3–5 years old, can understand the effects of trauma. They may have trouble adjusting to change and loss. They may depend on the adults around them to help them feel better. 1

EARLY CHILDHOOD TO ADOLESCENCE, 6–19 YEARS OLD

Children and youth in these age ranges may have some of the same reactions to trauma as younger children. Often younger children want much more attention from parents or caregivers. They may stop doing their school work or chores at home. Some youth may feel helpless and guilty because they cannot take on adult roles as their family or the community responds to a trauma or disaster.

Children, 6–10 years old, may fear going to school and stop spending time with friends. They may have trouble paying attention and do poorly in school overall. Some may become aggressive for no clear reason. Or they may act younger than their age by asking to be fed or dressed by their parent or caregiver.

Youth and Adolescents, 11–19 years old, go through a lot of physical and emotional changes because of their developmental stage. So, it may be even harder for them to cope with trauma. Older teens may deny their reactions to themselves and their caregivers. They may respond with a routine “I’m ok” or even silence when they are upset. Or, they may complain about physical aches or pains because they cannot identify what is really bothering them emotionally. Some may start arguments at home and/or at school, resisting any structure or authority. They also may engage in risky behaviors such as using alcohol or drugs.

How Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers Can Support Children’s Recovery
The good news is that children and youth are usually quite resilient. Most of the time they get back to feeling ok soon after a trauma. With the right support from the adults around them, they can thrive and recover. The most important ways to help are to make sure children feel connected, cared about, and loved.

Parents, teachers, and other caregivers can help children express their emotions through conversation, writing, drawing, and singing. Most children want to talk about a trauma, so let them. Accept their feelings and tell them it is ok to feel sad, upset, or stressed. Crying is often a way to relieve stress and grief. Pay attention and be a good listener. 

Ask your teen and youth you are caring for what they know about the event. What are they hearing in school or seeing on TV? Try to watch news coverage on TV or the Internet with them. And, limit access so they have time away from reminders about the trauma. Don’t let talking about the trauma take over the family or classroom discussion for long periods of time. Allow them to ask questions. 

Adults can help children and youth see the good that can come out of a trauma. Heroic actions, families and friends who help, and support from people in the community are examples. Children may better cope with a trauma or disaster by helping others. They can write caring letters to those who have been hurt or have lost their homes; they can send thank you notes to people who helped. Encourage these kinds of activities. 

If human violence or error caused an event, be careful not to blame a cultural, racial, or ethnic group, or persons with psychiatric disabilities. This may be a good opportunity to talk with children about discrimination and diversity. Let children know that they are not to blame when bad things happen.

It’s okay for children and youth to see adults sad or crying, but try not to show intense emotions. Screaming and hitting or kicking furniture or walls can be scary for children. Violence can further frighten children or lead to more trauma.

Adults can show children and youth how to take care of themselves. If you are in good physical and emotional health, you are more likely to be readily available to support the children you care about. Model self-care, set routines, eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, exercise, and take deep breaths to handle stress. 

PRESCHOOL CHILDREN, 0–5 YEARS OLD

  • Give these very young children a lot of cuddling and verbal support.
  • Take a deep breath before holding or picking them up and focus on them, not the trauma.
  • Get down to their eye level and speak in a calm, gentle voice using words they can understand.
  • Tell them that you still care for them and will continue to take care of them so they feel safe.

EARLY CHILDHOOD TO ADOLESCENCE, 6–19 YEARS OLD

  • Nurture children and youth in this age group.
  • Ask your child or the children in your care what worries them and what might help them cope.
  • Offer comfort with gentle words, a hug when appropriate, or just being present with them.
  • Spend more time with the children than usual, even for a short while. Returning to school activities and getting back to routines at home is important too.
  • Excuse traumatized children from chores for a day or two. After that, make sure they have age-appropriate tasks and can participate in a way that makes them feel useful.
  • Support children spending time with friends or having quiet time to write or create art.
  • Encourage children to participate in recreational activities so they can move around and play with others.
  • Address your own trauma in a healthy way. Avoid hitting, isolating, abandoning, or making fun of children.
  • Let children know that you care about them-spend time doing something special; make sure to check on them in a nonintrusive way.

A NOTE OF CAUTION!

Be careful not to pressure children to talk about a trauma or join in expressive activities. While most children will easily talk about what happened, some may become frightened. Some may even get traumatized again by talking about it, listening to others talk about it, or looking at drawings of the event. Allow children to remove themselves from these activities, and monitor them for signs of distress.

Toll-Free: 1-877-SAMHSA-7 (1-877-726-4727) | Info@samhsa.hhs.gov | http://store.samhsa.gov TIPS FOR TALKING WITH AND HELPING CHILDREN AND YOUTH COPE AFTER A DISASTER OR TRAUMATIC EVENT A GUIDE FOR PARENTS, CAREGIVERS, AND TEACHERS 4

HHS Publication No. (SMA) 12-4732

(Revision of KEN-01-0091/KEN-01-0093; Revised 04/2007)

Hotlines 

Disaster Distress Helpline

Toll-Free: 1-800-985-5990 Text ‘TalkWithUs’ to 66746

Web Site: http://www.disasterdistress.samhsa.gov

Child Welfare Information Gateway

Toll-Free: 1–800–4–A–CHILD (1–800–422–4453)

Web Site: http://www.childwelfare.gov/responding/how.cfm

Resources Addressing Children’s Needs 

Administration for Children and Families

Web Site: http://www.acf.hhs.gov/

Additional Behavioral Health Resources 

These behavioral health resources can be accessed by Clicking through to the SAMHSA website and then clicking on the related link.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Toll-Free: 1–800–273–TALK (1–800–273–8255); TTY: 1–800–799–4TTY (1–800–799–4889)

Web Site: http://www.samhsa.gov

National Child Traumatic Stress Network

Web Site: http://www.samhsa.gov/traumaJustice/

When Children, Youth and Parents, Caregivers, or Teachers Need More Help

In some instances, a child and their family may have trouble getting past a trauma. Parents or caregivers may be afraid to leave a child alone. Teachers may see that a student is upset or seems different. It may be helpful for everyone to work together. Consider talking with a mental health professional to help identify the areas of difficulty. Together, everyone can decide how to help and learn from each other. If a child has lost a loved one, consider working with someone who knows how to support children who are grieving.4 Find a caring professional in the Helpful Resources section of this tip sheet.

1 National Center for Statistics and Analysis. (n.d.). Traffic safety facts, 2003 data: Children. (DOT HS 809 762). Washington, DC: National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. From http://www-nrd.nhtsa.dot. gov/Pubs/809762.pdf (accessed April 20, 2012).

2,4 National Commission on Children and Disasters. (2010). National Commission on Children and Disasters: 2010 report to the President and Congress. AHRQ Publication No. 10-MO37. Rockville, MD: Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality. From http://archive. ahrq.gov/prep/nccdreport/nccdreport.pdf (accessed April 20, 2012).

3 Children’s Bureau. (2010). Child maltreatment 2009. Washington, DC: Administration on Children, Youth and Families; Administration for Children and Families; U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. From http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/ index.htm#can (accessed April 20, 2012).

∙ 2012 Toll-Free: 1-877-SAMHSA-7 (1-877-726-4727) | Info@samhsa.hhs.gov | http://store.samhsa.gov TIPS FOR TALKING WITH AND HELPING CHILDREN AND YOUTH COPE AFTER A DISASTER OR TRAUMATIC EVENT A GUIDE FOR PARENTS, CAREGIVERS, AND TEACHERS


Kerry Stutzman, MSW
©2012 Kerry Stutzman, Head & Heart Parents

+++++
Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

+++++

How Do I Get My Kid To Do The Dishes?

Getting Kids to Help With ChoresFirst, it is important that children contribute to the household. Not only does it send an important message to our children –

“You are a valuable member of this family and we count on you to make our family function”

– but it gives them a sense of accomplishment and self-worth.  Studies also show that kids who contribute at home do better at school and are more responsible with their homework.

How do you get started?

Call a family meeting. Announce that you are going to talk about each family member’s contributions.  Start with Mom and Dad’s roles.  Ask, “Who is going to pay the mortgage?”  Write it down in Mom & Dad’s column.  Then move on to who will pay the electric, gas, phone, cell phone, internet, and food bills. Continue by asking who will shop for food, prepare food, etc.  Then, when the parents’ list is nice and long, ask, “Who could set the table?”  “Who will clear the table?” “Unload the dishwasher?” “Vacuum?” “Dust?” You will be surprised with how willing the kids are to discuss what “contributions” they will volunteer for and how they decide to split them up among the siblings.

One dad reported that his 6- & 9-year-old boys argued about who got to take out the trash.  “I should, I’m older.”  “No, I should because you have more chores than I do,” said the younger. Another mom found out that her 7-year-old daughter was upset that mom got a housekeeper because she liked cleaning the bathrooms!

How do you implement?

Give kids a deadline.  Ask them to have a chore done by Friday dinner, tonight before bed, or before soccer practice.  Don’t demand.  We adults don’t like it when our bosses treat us like that!  Then, go on with your business.  Don’t harp, don’t remind, don’t nag.  If the contribution is not done, then you say, “This is so sad. I’m going to have to do something about this, but not now.  Try not to worry.”  Then the kids worry while you have time to come up with a plan for a logical consequence. If you want more information on how to come up with good consequences, I teach classes and offer parent coaching on this skill.

Should you pay them?

Don’t pay for their contributions.  You want the little voice in their sweet heads to say, “I’m doing this because I’m a valuable member of the family,” not “I’m doing this because I’m getting 5 bucks!”

Should they get allowance?

Yes. Just like you give them books to practice reading, give them money to practice spending and saving. Just don’t tie the allowance to their contributions. The general guideline out there is $1 per year of age, so a 10-year-old would get $10 a week. However, you should do what makes sense for you, the child, and the family budget.  Let them spend it and pray they make bad decisions and buy things that break easily.  Better they learn the lesson when the cost is low than in the real world when the cost is expensive.  Some parents like to have the kids set aside a certain percentage of their allowance for savings and a certain percentage to give to charity.

At what age can you begin?

You can start as early as 3-4 years old.  That’s the age when you start the association between the job, fun, and you!  Get the little guy to walk with dad as he takes out the trash. He gets a high five and a “good job” from dad.  Now he associates trash with love!  And at age 6-7, you step out of the picture and the child still has the job and the fun!

Parents who try the family meeting, contributions, deadlines and allowances report amazing stories of participation and cooperation.

Isn’t it at least worth an experiment to see if these steps will get your kids to do the dishes?


Kerry Stutzman, MSW
©2012 Kerry Stutzman, Head & Heart Parents

+++++
Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

+++++

Energy Drain: Consequences for Children

Would you like your life as a parent to be complicated?
Would you like to live in a constant state of confusion and anxiety?
consequences for childrenWould you like to feel unsure about how to deal with the problems your children create?
Would you like to frequently think to yourself something like, “Oh, no. Now what do I do about this?”

Here is a tried and true recipe: Adopt the belief that every child’s misbehavior must have a different and unique consequence.

In our fast-paced world, none of us has the time or energy to use this parenting style. 

 Instead of approaching parenting this way, Love and Logic parents try to keep it simple. For one reason, something that is simple is something that we can remember during stressful times. 

 Love and Logic parents find it easy to remember that anything that causes a problem for the parent drains energy from the parent. That energy needs to be replaced in some way.

It can be replaced when the child does some work for the parent, or it can be replaced by relieving the parent of some duty such as taking the child to an activity. 

 This is most effective when the child has a choice about how to replace the energy. It might sound like, “When I see you throwing things when you are mad, I worry about you and it drains my energy. How would you like to put the energy back? Would you like to do one of my chores? Would you like to excuse me from driving you to cheerleader practice so I could have some time to myself? Or would you like to do something really nice for the widow next door? I always feel better when things like that happen.”

This generic consequence works for all situations for kids of all ages. Just adjust for the age of the child.

So when you don’t know what to do, have an energy drain.

©2009 Jim Fay, Love and Logic™ Institute



Kerry Stutzman, MSW
©2012 Kerry Stutzman, Head & Heart Parents

+++++
Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

+++++

This is Not a Dress Rehearsal


On my kids’ first day of school this year, I first dropped off my high schooler.

Gasp. How can I have a kid that old?

I always thought being the parent of a high schooler was for grownups! Heck, I remember when I thought that having a child in elementary school was for grownups. As I sent off my son to fend for himself in the big new world of public high school, I thought about how it seemed like just yesterday that he was a babe in my arms.

After dropping off my middle schooler, I was off to the elementary school for my 3rd grader’s first day of school. I stood there, looking at the sea of little kids milling around, and thought “oh my goodness, there are still so many active years of parenting left.”

How do we navigate this push-pull, zoom-plod through this chapter of our adult lives? On one hand, it seems like time flies by… and that’s what all the “older” people tell us. On the other hand, some days of parenting can last forever and find us counting the hours until bedtime stories are over and lights are turned out.

Perhaps the best we can do is to create snippets of time where we are fully present in the moment. Right here, right now with our kids. Two things that I’ve found help me savor the here and now with my kids and have left me with sweet memories of being fully present:

1. Say Cheese!

It can make such a difference if we just stop and be intentional about looking our children in the eyes and smiling at them throughout the day. In my family, if the kids start to leave without eye contact, I will say, “Eyeballs!” That is their reminder to stop and look me in the eyes. It’s my reminder, as well, to look at them. In our times of zoom, zoom, zoom, it can feel so good to stop and look in the eyes of the most precious little people in our world.

2. Stop and Feel the Love

Parenting involves so much giving, caring and work. Sometimes it’s easy to get so caught up in all the tasks of parenting that we forget to really feel the love in our hearts for our beloved children. We can get grumpy when we forget to do that. A woman whose parenting advice I respect, Joyce Vissell, once suggested that each day, just for a few minutes, we close our eyes and picture our child at his/her sweetest. Then take a moment to see and feel all the love we feel for that child pouring from our heart to his/hers.

When it comes to parenting, “The days can last forever, but the years fly by.” I hope we’ll have fewer regrets when we look back if we make sure to live some of those moments to the fullest… as though this life is the real thing and not just a dress rehearsal.


Kerry Stutzman, MSW
©2012 Kerry Stutzman, Head & Heart Parents

+++++
Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

+++++

Disarming Defiance

For parents who deal with children being obstinate, defiant and challenging, here are a few thoughts on power struggles:

If we deal with resistance by struggling back, not only will we damage our relationship with our kids and set them up to be rebellious, but we will be very frustrated.  It is a child’s JOB to eventually claim control over his life and become independent.  “A child who feels he has no control over his life will spend much of his energy trying to manipulate the system and adults around him. A child who feels she has some control over her life will spend little time and energy trying to manipulate and control the parent” (written by Jim Fay).  We can create win-win situations and avoid power struggles by giving children choices.

Choices can make all the difference in the world.  Giving your child lots of choices gives him lots of opportunities to be in control.  “Would you like the red cup or the blue cup?”  “Would you like to hold hands in the parking lot or be carried?”  “Would you like to leave the park now or in five minutes?” (Ask five minutes before you really want to leave.)

The key to using choices is to offer two options, either of which will make you happy.  Always pick two choices you can live with.  “Do you want to wear your coat or carry it?”  Either way, I know my child has a coat if he needs it.  “Would you rather clean up your toys or have me do it?”  If I do it, the toys go to toy jail. (See short video about implementing Toy Jail below!)

If the child doesn’t choose, be prepared to choose yourself.  Also, never give a choice unless you’re willing to allow the child to live with the consequences of his/her bad choice.  Remember:  “I can live with either choice.”  If they protest the choice that gets made for them, apply loads of empathy and do not engage in arguing or explaining. Allowing our children to make choices and live with the results gives them valuable real-world experience in making decisions and learning about the consequences of their actions.




Kerry Stutzman, MSW
©2012 Kerry Stutzman, Head & Heart Parents

+++++
Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

+++++

When Kids Complain About Their Teachers

How does a wise parent respond when his/her youngster says, “My teacher is mean!”?

Because we care deeply for our kids, there are two traps that are far too easy to slip into:

Trap #1:
Mary’s well-meaning mom says, “Don’t worry, honey, I’ll give her a call and get this straightened out.”
Is Mary learning how to solve her own problems?  No!

Trap #2:
Freddy’s well-meaning dad says, “Well, if you would just work a little harder on your homework, I’m sure that she would get off of your case.”
Uh, oh! What are the chances that Freddy’s dad will end up in a run-down nursing home some day?

The Love and Logic way:
Sam’s parents know that empathy is the most important skill. They also know that kids need to learn how to succeed with nice teachers…and demanding ones, too.

These parents respond, “That’s got to be rough. Would you like to hear how some kids get along with tough teachers?”

Kids learn to solve problems and be responsible when we resist the urge to rescue or lecture.


Dr. Charles Fay
©2010 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

+++++
Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

+++++

Can ADHD Kids Learn, Remember, and Behave?

Q: Can kids with ADHD really learn, remember, and behave?
A: ABSOLUTELY!

Q: What’s the secret?
A: Use the very same techniques proven effective with kids who don’t have ADHD.

Q: Are you kidding?
A: No! Here’s why. Children with ADHD have the very same behaviors as children who don’t have ADHD. They just display them far more frequently and intensely. For example, all kids fail to pay attention from time to time, forget what we ask them to do, argue, occasionally misbehave in impulsive ways, and experience bouts of excessive activity, etc.

Q: So, will Love and Logic work with my child with ADHD?
A: Yes! In our CD Calming the Chaos we teach how to match the high frequency and intensity of their challenging behavior with a high frequency and intensity of Love and Logic techniques.

Q: So there’s hope?
A: Yes! As long as you don’t get tricked into believing that they’re incapable of learning and behaving.
Thanks for reading.


Dr. Charles Fay
©2009 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

+++++
Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

+++++

Be Careful About Taking Away What Your Kids Need the Most

When we’ve got a seriously underachieving youngster, it’s awfully tempting to resort to taking away all sorts of things in a desperate attempt to motivate them to do their schoolwork.

Sadly, this often backfires, leading the child to become even more resistant about learning.

Most of us wouldn’t feel that motivated if our spouse said, “Ok, that’s it! No more golf [or whatever else we might love to do] until I start getting some better reports from your boss!”

While it’s entirely reasonable to set some limits on TV, video games, and other entertainment activities when kids are doing poorly in school, taking them out of their favorite sport, Boy Scouts, music lessons, etc. is a bad idea. The research is clear:
Children who are involved in a healthy extracurricular activity are far less likely to get involved in drugs, sex, gangs, and other high-risk activities.

Kids who are struggling in school need at least one natural high…so that they aren’t so tempted by various artificial ones.


Dr. Charles Fay
©2009 Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.d.& Love and Logic® Institute

+++++
Head & Heart Parents is owned by Kerry Stutzman, MSW, a Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Love and Logic Parenting Instructor. In addition to private therapy and parent consulting services, Kerry offers parenting classes and workshops in Denver and the surrounding areas for toddlers, elementary, and teenage children.

As author of the easy-to-read “Save Your Sanity” series, Kerry helps parents save their sanity and sense of humor while raising young children with love and laughter.

+++++